Eye Contact - Your Most Powerful Dating Tool /

In busy modern life making eye contact is kept to a minimum for the fear that you will be accused of staring or you might be delayed by encouraging conversation with someone.  On the bus or tube people positively avoid any form of eye contact and seem to be intimidated by it.   Sadly this has spilled over and affected our general day to day communication habits.

Spend a day or so paying attention to who does and doesn’t give you eye contact and you will find a common denominator;  it could be a shop assistant or a work colleague but if that person does not give you eye contact then you either assume them to be dismissive or untrustworthy.  If you are interacting with someone and they avoid eye contact your subconscious will either feel hurt at their lack of attention or wonder what they’re hiding.  You feel fobbed off, it might not always be apparent at the time but you will not feel encouraged to spend any more time with that person. 

If you take this concept out into the dating world you will find eye contact a valuable tool for showing your interest and working out who is interested in you.  Starting with someone you don’t know; If you spot someone you like the look of it’s unlikely they are psychic so you have to show them you are interested and find out if this is reciprocated. 

This will work standing next to someone in a queue or across a crowded bar – just look at them until they catch your eye, hold eye contact for just a second and then smile slightly before looking away.  It will be unmistakeable as someone who was looking at you out of boredom or accidentally would not do that, they would just look away immediately.  If that person is curious about you also they will probably respond at the next opportunity when there is a clear line of sight between you by doing exactly what you have done.  This is your go ahead to talk to them (or for them to talk to you).

This small amount of reciprocal contact allows you both to look, think if you like what you see (both physically and in mannerisms) and predetermine that you will respond positively if there is an opportunity for the next stage of contact.  I can say from personal experience that I have turned around in a bar to find someone standing there who immediately starts trying to chat me up.  If I have never set eyes on them before my immediate reaction is ‘Who the hell are you??’ and things are cut off immediately.

Now we all know that finding someone you like doesn’t just happen in bars and it can be someone that you already know, work with or see regularly socially.  When you have the opportunity to talk with this person they need to feel like you are fully engaging with them and that includes firm eye contact.

I don’t mean staring them out but in contrast, when you know someone well and they talk to you it is often natural to nod, agree and not even be looking at them.  This is the kind of comfortable understanding between old friends. 

This kind of behaviour with someone you would like to date will seem like you are distracted or rude so look them in the eye and smile whenever appropriate.  It is known that smiling yourself and seeing other people smile releases feel good endorphins in the brain and it will make the other person naturally want to spend more time with you. 

There are many other cue’s within simple body language that can also be picked up but eye contact is always the most important.  You can say a thousand words without even moving your lips!