Compromise -
Is It The Key to Dating And Relationships /

People who are dating and looking for a partner often seem to forget about compromise. It’s a word associated with marriage, children and hard times. Well if you hope to find a long term relationship and maybe even marriage you better start practicing now.

You will be in for a nasty shock and a lot of failed dates and relationships if you think you can start learning to compromise when you tie the knot. Compromise comes in many shapes and forms, it can be the key to harmony but you also have to decide the right times not to compromise.

The picture in your head /

Now we’ve all done it, you have a mental ideal; They are tall, dark, have dimples and blue eyes…..etc. The ideals aren’t just physical either, few of us are that shallow. They can often extend to age, career, social class, hobbies and the type of family they came from. It’s perfectly natural to have ideas of who you would like to meet, it is in fact an extension of your innate instincts to find the best partner possible to breed with (whether you think you want children or not!), but reality is not like that and you have to be open minded.

If you’ve been in love before I bet they didn’t tick all those boxes, and I bet the reason you split up wasn’t because they didn’t fit your picture either. Relationships are not that simple and if you find someone you are drawn to getting to know better then you might find all sorts of great things when you scratch the surface even if they don’t tick off everything on your checklist.

What do you expect from dating /

If you turn up to every date expecting to meet ‘the one’ then you are bound to be sorely disappointed. Just go out hoping to have a fun time and try not to think too far past that. Going on dates and meeting different people is a valuable learning experience and helps you decide what you can compromise on and what you can’t. You may realise that there are many people you find attractive once you talk to them and see their spark even though they don’t fit your physical ideals at all.

You may decide someone older isn’t necessarily more sensible and family orientated and you may think someone with a bohemian outlook on life is actually really admiral and would be better for you than a corporate individual who always has their head in a laptop. If you have been on hundreds of dates and not found someone you want to date more then you know that they are either just around the corner…..or you still aren’t compromising your expectations enough!

When you get into a relationship /

When you think about how different we all are both as a product of nature and nurture it’s easy to see why we fall out. Everybody has differences of opinion and we’ve all struggled to see eye to eye with parents, siblings, colleagues and friends at times so a partner is no exception. The difference is when you’re in a relationship that the idea is you’re going to stay together so have to come to a compromise on many things for the good of the future. It’s not like your parents where you can leave home or your employer where you can get a new job.

If you want the relationship to work you have to somehow stay put and work with what you’ve got. This is often over very small individual issues but it is easy for things to get out of hand and turn into a big row. Always remember when you are feeling stubborn and thinking ‘why should I do the washing up AGAIN!’ is it really worth an argument or will you actually feel better and lead by example by keeping the peace?

The bigger issues /

The washing up is a good example, if it’s not just an occasional glitch and one partner is constantly lazy and taking advantage of the other then you have compromised too far. You have to put your foot down and bring up the issue even if it does risk an argument. Day to day life can be one of the hardest things to manage without conflict in a relationship but what about the future?

You need to make sure you aren’t years down the line in a relationship with totally different ideals of the future. If you want 6 children and your partner wants 3 then maybe you can compromise, it will be much harder however if your partner doesn’t want any at all. As sad as it may be there are times you have to walk away and choose not to compromise now or the compromise in the future may be too big to deal with.