You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs.../

Before You Meet Prince Charming

We’ve all heard the horror stories of nightmare first dates and the weird assortment of types that seemed perfectly normal either at the first meeting or while they were on the other side of an internet profile.

There’s a few you can weed out before it even gets that far. The guy at speed dating that wants to meet outside the risqué bar in town for your first date…The girl who ‘winks’ at you ten times online before realising you’re not going to respond…The one who’s Facebook profile picture is him with his Mum, and his Blue Peter award…Blind dates…

But some are more shrewd than this. Sometimes an attractive girl in a bar can seem great after a short and slightly flirty chat and an exchange of numbers, and sometimes the most likeable and relaxed online profile can seem like Mr Right on screen. They impress you with their supposed line of work, their interesting conversation peppered with humour, and lull you into a false sense that they are indeed just like you and that you should really meet up properly and see how you get on. So you do. And that’s where it ends. Uncomfortably.

It depends on your take on things, but a lot of people see the time wasters as being worse than the ones who have nothing in common with you…or the rest of mankind. You may suddenly realise that although first impressions were all good you are on a date with one of the following:

Mr or Mrs Rude

This character usually strolls up late without apology and hasn’t made an effort. They don’t know where you’re going to go or what to do with your time together because they’ve been too busy to plan anything. In fact you’re quite lucky they squeezed you into their busy schedule. He doesn’t hold the door or comment on how good you look, she is sadly lacking in table manners, and the way they treat the staff on your date makes you hide behind your napkin and hope no one can see you. Conversation is mainly centred around their success in all areas of life, and there is little enquiry into yours. If the subject does turn to something else they will quickly become disinterested.

The Talker

The talker is not to be confused with Mr or Mrs Rude. This type of date doesn’t mean to be rude and nerves can turn a person into The Talker without them even realising. Some Talkers will keep the conversation, if a little one sided, light and airy. They might tell you all about their love for cooking/football/kittens. But the more nervous talker may accidentally cross a line and the outpour of disclosure can be unnerving. Being told too early in the relationship the more personal details of your date’s life (and remember this is still only a date, two individuals going out to see if they get along) can be very off putting. You might end up hearing all about their exes (and may be worse, realise you know one of them!), their health, their list of failures in life…to which this date is about to be added.

The Shy Type

Now you may think there can be little wrong with a date where someone suddenly turns shy, right? Wrong. Your date may have seemed at ease with themselves when you met them on a night out, surrounded by their mates, but people are different when they don’t have their wingmen behind them. If it turns out that when out in a one on one situation they feel uncomfortable, your date may become The Shy Type, and it is possible they will begin to drink quicker to give themselves a confidence boost, becoming The Talker, or worst, The Drunk. This may not end well as you can imagine!

The Quirky Irk

Again sometimes related to nerves, your date may try a little too hard to come across as a funny, likeable character. This may involve lame humour, funny dress, or worst of all practical jokes. Witty banter is all well and good and not to be confused with a budding Quirky Irk, but if it goes too far and you feel uncomfortable make your excuses. An evening of people around you looking at you curiously as your date loudly proclaims themselves to be ‘barmy’ for the hundredth time while dinging the cutlery on the water glass is unlikely to encourage a second meeting.

The Chancer and The Charmer

Quite often one and the same, The Chancer being the alter ego of the Charmer you met the night before. The Charmer has body language down to a fine art and wants to know all about you, making you feel like the only person in the room. They touch your arm as you leave flick their eyes back to you with a cute smile just as you walk through the door. You go home feeling tentatively warm and fuzzy, counting down the days to your date. The day finally comes, and when you arrive at the agreed location, you find a person who looks exactly like The Charmer, but something is different. This person is The Chancer. The Chancer will basically take whatever’s on offer. The eye contact is inconsistent as they’re checking out what else could be available to them tonight but still keeping you hooked. They’re polite but keen to get the date over so they can ask you back for ‘coffee’. If you feel the first date is too soon for ‘coffee’ (and let’s face it, that’s certainly the norm) they still have time to find another ‘coffee’ enthusiast before the night is over, or at least squeeze in a double espresso with a stranger before bed. Although you may be disappointed by the revelation, stay away from the Chancer, you can do better.

So stay alert and look for the signs. If you find yourself with one of the above and don’t feel comfortable, run. Run fast. And don’t look back.