Mr Right...Who IS He? /

Phew. Where to begin? There are so many resources available to us women for finding, dating and forever keeping Mr Right at our side it’s a wonder we haven’t all been blissfully happy since the age of 20. But as that isn’t the case it’s fair to assume that much of this information is complete rubbish. Once you’ve waded through the quizzes, mentoring, books, columns, DVDs, speed dates and advice sites you’ll probably have discarded much of it.

So how do you begin looking for your perfect man?

The first thing to ask yourself is do you know who he is? In other words, do you have a clearly defined image of what you are looking for? It should always be remembered that Mr Right will be a human being, so is susceptible to failings. He may not tick every single box on your list, or may be he will, but will also have an annoying habit, or not have the same taste in music as you. Be realistic, and keep an open mind.

Secondly think about where Mr Right might like to go. Should he enjoy big nights out? Explore local clubs, pubs and bars you may not have been to before. Should he be sporty? Start frequenting the local team games in your area with a friend, and get a gym membership. You’ll be getting fitter and healthier while keeping an eye open for a new man. Remember he will have his own list of priorities in a woman and unfit is unlikely to be on it! Find a theme for the way he might socialise and try new places and activities. You’ll meet new people and get to try lots of new things this way. It may take a little effort but it’s always worth it. A lady I know recently remarried aged 62 having decided a while ago that she was happy to be alone and didn’t even need a man. She met her new husband at the Ramblers Association.

Next, make the effort. The ‘just got out of bed look’ is also unlikely to be on Mr Right’s wish list. Dress well in all that you do. Keep a well groomed appearance, even if you’re just popping to the shops. You don’t need to wear heels and a full face of make up every time you step out of the house, just be sure to look clean and tidy. It has recently been suggested that showing 30% flesh when dressing up to go out is the right amount. Any more begins to look promiscuous, any less may make you look too prim. But how you dress is not the only way to attract Mr Right…

Right, so now you know what you’re looking for, where you might find him, and you look the part. Let’s go get him! But how? How can you maximise your desirability to the right man? Confidence (not to be confused with arrogance) is of huge appeal to prospective partners. To stand tall, head high, with your own mind and your own voice will stand you in good stead. Shy people who behave as wall flowers on nights out are rarely noticed, no matter what they wear. Try not to go out in large groups. This can be intimidating for men, be it in all girl group or a mixed sex group. Show you have your own opinions and self respect by chatting and not just agreeing politely with everything if truly you disagree. Ask questions, be involved in you conversation. Smile, show you are a happy and relaxed person to be around. Make eye contact, this too suggests you are interested, though don’t over do it or you’ll look like you are staring which could make him uncomfortable. Take a peek at our Body Language section for much more on how to use your body language and read his. Be happy, the smile is a great start but follow it up by being enthusiastic and excited about things which mean a lot to you. Of course don’t over do these either or you may appear maniacal! You could also talk to friends. You may think you know their opinions of your love life but have you ever actually asked them? You could be surprised. Another very healthy way to move forward is to forget your past and avoid drawing comparisons between who you’re looking for and those you’ve dated previously. 

And lastly, be patient. Don’t rush into anything. Pinning your hopes on one man is likely to lead to disappointment. Date different men and just see if you like spending time with them, a date is essentially two people deciding if they enjoy each other’s company. It’s a friendship to start with, may be something more when you know each other better.

So stop ‘waiting for Mr Right’ and go get him!